Esteban has found me!!!

So hey ya’ll, did i ever tell you how i was trapped in the living room with a giant cockroach?! I didn’t? Well let me splain. 🙂

 

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It has been uncharacteristically rainy this summer, something that has its ups and its downs. Upside is our lush Green grass that we have let grow into a obscene wilderness which is giving the jungles of brazil a run for its money, and the downside of course is Esteban.  I Met Esteban a few years ago while i was brushing my teeth. he decided to greet me with a unexpected hello out of my sink drain which ALMOST lead to my death due to running with a toothbrush in my mouth.  Now one thing you must know about Esteban is he is pretty shy at FIRST. But the fear that i demonstrated that day gave him exceptional power and he ran with it. That little fucker. Moving from my apartment, and into my house he has popped up every now and again. Darting from one room to another, i kill him, but like Jason mother fuckin Vorhees here he is again. Months later.

I was alone the other day minding my own business and i hear a weird little ticking noise. I look over my shoulder and there is Esteban on the wall behind me!! (That’s how big he was ya’ll i could hear this fool walking on the wall!!!!!)

I jump up, almost destroying the laptop that was resting warmly on my legs and looked for something to finish him once and for all. Now just a side note,….. Up until maybe 3 years ago i was so terrified of Esteban that i wouldn’t go near him with a 10 foot pole and full biohazard gear. I would scream and run and tear out of the room to the point to where it was almost comical. (to other people of course not to me).

Sometime over these last years i have learned to control myself when it comes to them because i have had him do things like crawl over my feet or fly at my face. So i was fully prepared to psych myself into killing him.

coclroachpeace Before i know it he darts up the wall to a point where i can no longer reach him. And starts to run to my bedroom door. Panic sets in. I don’t want to stand on a chair and hit him with a shoe because he can fly and it i miss he will fall on my face, so that idea is immediately out. I could throw a shoe, yea ill throw a shoe. So i did. AND i missed.

With a huge THUD the shoe hits the wall and he takes off running around the top of the wall…. No weapon at that point i find myself pacing the living room saying to myself  “what do i do…omg what do i do…” I was for real saying that out loud, this was life or death ya’ll!

Without even thinking i run to the bathroom and grab the spray bottle of bleach and set the nozzle to stream. With my new found courage and gun of bleach i set out after him. Perched up high on the wall i take aim. Realizing his strategy here i couldn’t spray him at that moment because he decided to post on the wall above my pile of clean folded laundry. I kick the wall and he’s off! So i spray, and spray, and spray and he falls to the ground!! 

Satisfied in my victory i go to retrieve the other shoe to murder him. Returning to his body i drop the shoe petrified.

Esteban…………..was gone.

Thinking about it now i realize the stupidity in thinking bleach would kill a cockroach considering they can live through nuclear winter. And it makes me angry that he actually toyed with my emotions by faking DEAD. Only to run to WHO KNOWS where because i haven’t seen him. Esteban was always dramatic though….

I’m such a FAIL cockroach killer.

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3 thoughts on “Esteban has found me!!!

  1. my african bug net helps me ease my mind in these situations. I actually have shoes, unknowingly, strategically placed around my apt for when we see the skinny ethiopian roach cousins of esteban. and gav destroys! but I haven’t heard a huge roach crawl around since I moved out matts moms house where those fugly mothers effers still roam and conquer. imagine being pregnant having trouble sleeping at night… hearing that very nasty tap tap tap tap… and realizing one of them is trying to crawl on you and when you try to escape there’s one by your head feet and on the floor by the bed…. true story. and it happened all the time. that’s when jens apt was my safe place. and thank goodness.

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