I finally swept my damn floor today. It collects hair like the North Carolina LaQuisha Hair show semi-finals. If i had one wish i would have carpet. But then i think about the very unfortunate Flea escapade we dealt with at the beginning of the summer and I quickly rethink that.
It seems when I clean someone (Roland) leaves something else there to replace the mess that i just picked up…
ME: Pick up your clothes!
Roland: Where do i put them?
ME: Empty one of the baskets and put that shit in there!
Roland: That’s too much damn trouble. (throws clothes on the living room floor)
ME: (Beat’s Roland to death with the dust pan)
A couple of weeks ago, i decided it would be a super bright idea to go bleach crazy in the bathroom, i figured I’d stick the fan in there facing in, open the window we would be good to go. 5 minutes in, my Iris’s were ABLAZE with the flames of hell and my lungs were gasping for Oxygen. But I was a bad ass cleaning lady, I wasn’t about to come out of that bathroom and admit defeat by bleach to Roland who was sitting in the living room.
After about another 3 minutes of agony and the occasional almost vomit, i emerged. eyes running, coughing, gagging a MESS!
ME: Woah, that bleach is some no joke shit!
Roland: (looks at me through squinted eyes, tears streaming down his face) Yep.
ME: Dogs sneezing.
We ended up standing on the porch for awhile. Dog included.
Someone send a maid. PLEASE.