Like, for reals. This isn’t the first time this orange idiot decided it would be awesome to climb this tree. At the time i figured it would be his last. I was wrong of course. And at the time of the FIRST incident it just happened to be 30 degrees outside and freezing rain was falling…
THIS TIME however its a lovely 70 something with a nice cool breeze blowing so as far as I’m concerned, he got up there he can get down. He’s a damn cat!
I do want to also mention that I haven’t climbed a tree since i was like,……………..*thinking*………..8 or 9. I figured maybe i should bring a purse or something to stick that fool in and carry him down like a islander harvesting coconuts. I had it all planned. I was going to get the ladder out…stick it at the base of the tree, climb up that fucker and fetch him.
Yea….it didnt work out that way.
FIRST OF ALL, i have no idea what the hell kind of tree that is but as soon as you come in contact with the foliage of that stupid fucker your skin instantly engulfs in itchy flames. Something i learned when i had already stepped off the ALREADY unsteady ass ladder into the tree. SECONDLY I had absolutely no idea where the hell to stick my feet since the pretzel layout of branches and twigs were too small for my feet. So here i am, in this damn tree….people driving by seeing me in this stupid tree. I can see the orange bastard as plain as day and he wants to jump to me…he’s there on a thick branch. As i look to his right I’m thinking to myself “WHY doesn’t this stupid guy just jump on the roof???!!?!?!?” I’m serious guys, the roof was LESS then 3 feet from him. /facepalm. After several minutes of trying to position my own appendages to maneuver up the itchiest tree in Texas i decide to abandon the obviously fruitless effort.
Now….to get the fuck down. All I was initially worried about was setting the first foot on the ladder. As i mentioned before it was super unsteady. That was my one and only concern because I knew i could get out of the position i was in, i may not be nimble like a minx, but when injury depends on it, god damnit i will twist myself anyway i need to. So i begin to descend and i feel the branch, twig thing literally go up my crack. No turning back now, i cant if i do i will totally fall. I feel leaves ripping and being collected in my crack as i complete the decent and head down the ladder. Just as I’m climbing to the ground before i can do anything else there’s the neighbor… “oh HI!! neighbor” I literally am sitting there with my ass crack FULL of leaves and twigs and shit that i stripped bare off of the branch in the tree.
Fuck this, I went inside. Roland can get him when he gets home.
UPDATE #2: Tripper has been rescued, he has seemed to block out the last few hours as a self defense mechanism and is now back to being his normal asshole self.